Lighter Spice rack

Ginger's departure and the price of tea in China

SIZE DOES MATTER!: The only Spice Girl with large breasts is leaving! Yes! The woman who once pinched Prince Charles on the bum has announced her split with the group, "because of differences between us!"

That she meant, "differences among us!" lends weight to the rumor that Ginger is returning to school to finish grade five!

AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO GIRL POWER NOW?: Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice, might just take the money and run. Wouldn't you?

Thanks to the Spice Girls, the most popular girl group since the Supremes, Ginger is a very, very rich woman and not at all as bitchy as Diana Ross was always rumored to be.

Would you want to ride around on a painted bus, live out of a suitcase, sign autographs, have zero privacy, get hounded by the press and the public and go to bed at night knowing Charles Manson is a huge fan? No thanks.

But let's say you're Ginger Spice, Girl Power advocate. You open the newspaper. You discover that drug companies will pay for Viagra, but not birth control. So -- men should be happy, damn the torpedoes, huh?

You discover that Pamela Anderson can't stop thinking about her ex-husband, Tommy Lee, with whom she says she had a real soul connection. That would be ... the same tattoo-covered, spouse-beating, ego weasel Tommy Lee who pounded Miss Anderson while she was holding their two kids and is now in jail for same?

Of course, there's more, and all of it since the weekend, when Ginger announced her ex-Spice status. Geez, Ginger -- look how fast things are deteriorating! Girl Power cannot survive without you!

GIRLS JUST GET MARRIED ANYWAY: First, Ginger. Next, Posh Spice is engaged to soccer star David Beckham and they'll get married next summer. Tsk. How long will there be a Spice Girls, anyway?

Meanwhile, Ginger was the engine of the group -- fast and funny and always ready for a photo op. We can't believe we're writing about this or that anybody actually cares. Your six-year-old daughter will still enjoy the show, whether there are five Spices or four.

(They will be here July 11 at the Molson Amphitheatre. Phone and demand one fifth of your money back!)

Perhaps Ginger can continue being a Spice Girl via the wonders of modern science. She, like Elvis, can always perform via video; yes, a huge video of Elvis will be performing with live musicians as the Vegas Hilton welcomes the return of the King. That's right: People are paying to watch a hologram-like video thingy fronting a band.

BUT BACK TO GINGER: Oh, what to do about Ginger. As one three-year-old Spice Girls fan, weeping salt tears, commented: "Does her mummy know?"

At 25, oldest of the Spicies, Ginger was the unofficial head of the band. She and Scary were the most outspoken.

Before fame found her, Ginger was a cleaner, then a topless model, and she once was a Turkish gameshow hostess. Then she became a singer. It could happen.

Ginger is said to be considering a solo career as a singer or looking at a TV job or thinking of running a fish and chippie shop.

Of course, what she really wants to do is direct.