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Wednesday, March 6, 2002
Buffy Review: The Woeful Wedding
By STEPHANIE McGRATH -- AllPop
Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Season 6, Episode 15
WARNING: SPOILERS
Funny, funny, depressing, funny, sad. That pretty much sums up this week's episode of "Buffy". Man, Xander is so stupid.
Note 1: Thanks to everyone who wrote in letting me know that last week I misquoted one of Riley and Buffy's conversations. Apparently, the conversation that I described as:
"Is it bad?," she asks.
"No," he answers.
"I'm going to win," Buffy says smugly
Is actually:
"Did you die?," she asks.
"No," he answers.
"I'm going to win," Buffy says smugly.
There, that's done. I was wrong and I admit it.
 The Scoobies |
Note 2: The phone interrupted "Buffy" for me this week causing me to lose valuable recapping minutes but what could I do? Say "Sorry, mom, I'm very engrossed in a show about attractive 20-somethings who run around and slay demons, all the while quipping about hair length and Scoobies, it's so meta. Too busy to chat byyyyeeeee"? Come on now, that just sounds harsh. So forgive me if there are a few details that seem sort of sketchy.
And we're off ...
It's storming outside (well, hello foreshadowing, you do make an obvious entrance these days now, don't you) as Buffy and Willow stare out into the camera with a look of horror on their faces.
They say "it's hideous" and such, and I'll bet you thought they were talking about a demon or something now, didn't you, but no ... they're grossed out by the most hideous bridesmaid dresses in the history of the world. (Thought: I think the tradition of forcing your bridesmaids to wear really ugly dresses must have started with some really insecure and jealous bride who was terrified her bridal party was going to look prettier than she did on her special day.)
Anyway, the dresses are the scariest shade of green ever and have this gross "Sex And The City" cloth flower attached to the shoulder and strangely shaped hemlines that make Buffy and Willow look like mermaids with feet.
Willow, who is actually acting as the best man, wishes she got to wear a stunning tux and go all Marlene Dietrich. No such luck.
The two girls talk about how Xander explained Anya's demon friends and family to his pure-human set by saying they were circus folk, thereby opening the floor to dumb circus folk jokes for the rest of the episode. Note: Most of those jokes will be skipped.
Just then, Anya runs in, takes one look at the girls, and seems as though she's going to cry.
She thinks the ladies look beautiful and squeals: "This is the happiest day of my life," as a huge clap of thunder is heard in the background and rain pelts the windows. (Now now, foreshadowing, I hadn't forgotten about you, no need to make so much noise.)
Over at Xander and Anya's apartment, Xander is trying to deal with his booze-hound and bickering parents, Anya's odd-looking demon pals, an overweight aunt with a crush on a demon, and his missing cuff links, which actually end up being on his aunt's ears. As Xander grabs his cuff links with gusto he says: "Nothing on earth can stop this wedding now". Outside we see a shot of an ominous little old man walking in the rain with a red umbrella. Dum-da-dum-dum.
Over at whatever hall they're holding the wedding in, Buffy has to use her slayer strength to help Xander do up his cummerbund, and wonders why Willow, the best man, isn't around to help out and then we see why ...
Willow has gravitated towards Tara, who is helping Anya get dressed. She looks at Tara with googly-eyes and offers to help. Anya's dress frightens me. It also has that strange mermaid effect. I hate it. (But, if by some chance someone reading this right now has the exact same dress ... well then I'm sure it looks beautiful on you.)
Anya rehearses her homemade vows about hearts and love and how Xander has to be careful with her heart and such, as Tara and Willow help her get ready. (Foreshadowing, must you follow us everywhere?)
Meanwhile, guests are arriving as Dawn (also dressed in the bad green dress) stands welcoming them with Xander's uncle, who is hitting on a waitress. One demon shows up and hands Dawn a squirming wedding gift. Funny.
Then the vengeance demon/guidance counsellor, who is a friend of Anya's and was responsible for casting a spell that locked the Scoobies in Buffy's house for a long time, arrives. Ha.
Next is Spike, who makes his appearance with his nasty, '80s-goth-looking date. He tells Dawn and everyone else that the yucky girl is his date about 9,000 times, obviously hoping that word will get back to Buffy that he brought a date.
Then in comes my favourite demon, the kitten demon (so named because of his involvement with the poker-for-kittens game earlier this season) with the wiggly loose skin. I think he's funny.
Xander's dad is already drinking, and the ominous old man is now lurking about, too.
Dawn rushes up to Buffy and doesn't whine!
"Hey, Buffy, Spike's here and he brought a date, a skank," ha ha ha, funny because that girl did seem particularly yuck-o.
As Xander enters the hall, chaos ensues. His mom and dad are bickering, circus-folk jokes are cracked, demons are about, and then, the old man drags Xander off.
"I'm Xander Harris," he tells Xander. "I'm you."
Dum-da-dum-dum.
Ring-ring-ring, oops that's my mom, sorry, I guess I'll just have to miss the most important part of the episode. (Don't worry, I'm not being mean to her. If I called her during "24", she wouldn't even pick up the phone. At least I did that much.)
Anyway, this is what the people who were watching the show told me happened while I was on the phone: Old Xander (if you think that's really Xander, you haven't watched enough "Buffy") lets young Xander watch some visions of his future with Anya and this is what happens: Buffy dies again fighting evil, Xander throws his back out or something and can't work, causing Anya to work those Mary Kay-type parties, they become super bitter, Xander turns into his father and drinks a lot, they have two bratty kids -- one demon and one human -- Xander isn't the dad of the demon kid, they get older and crankier and the final vision is the two arguing forcefully and Xander losing it, and looking as though he's about to hit old Anya in the head with a frying pan.
Old Xander tells young Xander he can't marry Anya and that by leaving her at the altar he'll hurt her much less than if they do get married.
"Sometimes, two people, all they bring each other is pain," says old Xander.
The rest of the guests and Scoobies are totally oblivious to what's just gone on between old and young Xander. Buffy and Spike are having a civil chat. Buffy admits she feels jealous seeing him with another girl. Spike looks sorry to have hurt her, then remembers he's supposed to be a bad guy and says: "Well, good". (But he didn't mean it nastily, you see. He's just trying to save face).
Spike is sad but says that "it's nice to watch you be happy, you're glowing." (Awww, sweet).
"That's because the dress is radioactive," says Buffy. (That was very funny.)
Spike asks if Buffy wants him to leave and then says that being away from her "hurts", and leaves. Sniff, sniff, well done writers.
Meanwhile, Xander is dealing with the visions he's just witnessed when Willow walks up and gives him a hug. She says he looks spiffy in his tux and that "it's good I realized I was gay," ha ha ha.
 Buffy |
Xander says he needs a few more minutes to prepare so Willow leaves him, saying "It's not like we can start the wedding without you". (Really now, foreshadowing, this is getting ridiculous. I mean, I know it's supposed to be cartoony and fun, but come on.)
Anya is almost ready to get the show on the road as she continues to recite her vows to Tara, who thinks Anya's line about being Xander's sex poodle might not be the right choice for a wedding. Ha.
Buffy and Willow discover that Xander has taken off, so Buffy tells Anya that there will be a short delay because the minister has to perform an emergency C-section because he's half minister half doctor. Okay, that was so weird it was funny. Anya buys the story. (HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! I just thought of something. Wouldn't Giles make it to the wedding? I mean, he's like their father figure. Shouldn't he be giving Anya away or something? That is just wrong.)
We see a shot of Xander walking down the street in his tux in the pouring rain looking miserable. He also looks a little bit like Frankenstein in the shot due to the large head and stumbly walk. Ha. I mean, very sad. As Xander walks, Anya's voice-over recites her vows about how much she loves him and that's why she wants to marry him. Sniff.
The guests are starting to get a bit restless due to the delay, and there's a funny moment when Buffy starts up the aisle to make an announcement and has to get the band to stop playing the wedding march.
Buffy tries to entertain everyone with charades and juggling as Dawn hangs out with a demon teenager and gets a bit flirty.
Dawn tells the teen demon about Xander's disappearance just as Anya walks by to find out what's going on. Anya, understandably, kind of freaks out.
Then Xander's dad starts to insult the demons and a big fight breaks out. Willow helps Tara escape the chaos and they share a tender look - awwwww.
Anya finds out that the last person to talk to Xander was the ominous old man who (surprise, surprise) turns out to be a demon Anya cursed when she was a demon. (She made his life miserable, now he wants to return the favour and such.)
The demon attacks Anya, and Buffy has to rip her ugly dress to go into full attack mode. (I say burn it, Buffy, burn that ugly thing.)
Just then ... Xander returns! As Buffy strangles the bad demon with a piece of decorative gauze, Xander knocks it over the head with a decorative pillar. Dead demon.
The guests continue to fight until Anya orders everyone back to their seats, explaining that there will actually be a wedding. (Yeah, right.)
Xander tells Anya he's not ready to get married, even after she explains that the visions were phony. Xander thinks they "just went too fast". (Well, you did save the world about nine times together, I think that means you can skip a few steps. Arrrgggh, Xander is being such a dumb, stupid jerk.)
Xander looks over at his dad drinking and fighting with his mom and obviously is wondering if that's how he and Anya will turn out. Xander says he's sorry, Anya walks away, and Xander leaves.
Anya walks up the aisle all comatose looking with tears streaming down her face. Hey, this is kind of sad, this sucks, Xander and Anya are supposed to be the comic relief. Arrgghhh.
Back at Buffy's house, the girls say they're shocked, can't believe Anya wants to be alone and such.
We see a shot of Xander renting a crappy hotel room and looking very sad.
Then we end with Anya, who is being counselled by a big demon who says she let Xander domesticate her and reminds her how powerful she was as a demon.
The End.
Okay. Funny for a bit, mostly due to demon sight gags and ugly dresses, and then it got pretty sad. I guess no relationship ends well on Buffy anyway. Should have expected it. So is Anya going to return to demon form? I'm predicting that the main character who dies is Anya and she'll come back in demon form and wreak havoc. Cool. Two-and-a-half stakes out of five, losing points for phone call (not fault of show, but it did interrupt the flow) and some odd pacing, but actually winning a couple points for the funny, over-the-top use of foreshadowing and the hint of bad Anyas to come.
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