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Thursday, September 9, 1999
Satisfaction or money ...
Heir to Wal-Mart fortune buys St. Louis Blues and Keil. Centre for $100 million. NHL approval said to be "slam-dunk."
-- News item.
True, Nancy Walton Laurie, daughter of one of the brothers who founded the Wal-Mart chain, is not likely to be one of those mere-millionaire owners you've welcomed aboard in the past who jump ship when they've lost only a small fortune.
To Nancy and husband Bill, this deal is a bargain. They originally wanted to spend $400 million to buy the Colorado Avalanche, the Denver Nuggets and the Pepsi Centre. Now they've got a hockey team valued at $100 million and a 20,000-seat arena built for $135 million, all for a mere 100 mil. Even at Wal-Mart they don't offer steals like that.
But the key word here may be 'bargain'.
Think about it, Gary: Wal-Mart was built on offering bargains and -- wait for it -- satisfaction guaranteed or your money cheerfully refunded.
Since it's the philosophy that built the very fortune that provides the lavish lifestyle and the horse farm and assorted perks of the mega-rich, is it not reasonable to believe they might bring it into their new venture?
Look at the current Wal-Mart television commercials, Gary. They're enough to turn a governor's stomach:
They've got this little yellow happy face, only this time he's wearing a Stetson and cracking a whip while the chorus, to the tune of the old Rawhide show, sings of rounding up prices and rolling them back.
Rolling them back, Gary. As in selling things for less than regular price. Sometimes even -- omigod! -- at cost or below just to attract customers who might then buy other things in the store.
Let the Lauries have the Blues, and pretty soon you could have people with smiles wider than their faces standing at the doors guiding people to the wickets where tickets are 20!, 30!, even 40% off!
Oh, and while you folks are here, why not try our restaurants and look at our convention facilities? Y'all have a good time, and if you don't find what you're looking for, like a centre or a left-winger or a goalie, just ask one of our ushers and we'll get one in for you in no time ...
And if the customers settle into those seats, try them out for an entire game, and don't like the way the Blues perform on that particular night -- no problem! This is Wal-Mart! Just take your ticket stub back to the wicket and one of our cheerful salespersons will give you a chit of equal value for another game, or a full refund.
You sure you're ready for that, Gary?
What if the philosophy spreads?
What if St. Louis fans get on the phone or the Internet hockey chat lines to tell ticket holders in other NHL cities about the wonderful new team owners who believe the customer comes first and back it with a guarantee of satisfaction?
What if those fans in other cities demand the same treatment? We're talking revolution here, Gary. You're looking at having to give full value for your tickets. And who knows where that could lead.
Unless, of course, it's the other way around.
Two months exposure to the NHL governors, and Nancy Laurie may have that little Wal-Mart happy face using the whip to lash customers while the clerks raise prices and the chorus sings:
"Bump 'em. bump 'em, bump 'em,
"Let them like or lump 'em,
"Take the pigeons for another ride --
"Raw-HIDE!"
In which case, they'll fit in just fine.
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