CANOE SLAM! HOCKEY SLAM! FOOTBALL SLAM! BASEBALL SLAM! BASKETBALL SLAM! SKATING SLAM! SKIING SLAM! SPORT-BY-SPORT SLAM! SPORTS SLAM! GLOBAL NAVIGATION
SLAM! WRESTLING: Guest Columnist

SLAM! Sports
SLAM! Wrestling







Monday, November 2, 1998

SLAM! Wrestling Guest Column

Improving hockey via wrestling

By GLEN GLYNN -- For SLAM! Wrestling

Top 10 ways to improve hockey by booking it like wrestling :


Wayne 'Nature Boy' Gretzky.
10) Have Felix 'The Cat' Potvin grab the mic before each game, claim he's the greatest and give the other team 5 seconds to leave. We all wonder why Pat Quinn is giving this guy a "push"

9) Put Wayne Gretzky, Mark Messier, Grant Fuhr, and Esa Tikkanen on the same team again. Have them flash 4 fingers while playing. After the game , have Wayne, surrounded by beautiful women , going "WOOOO" and dancin' a jig

8) Put Claude Lemieux in bad polyester pants trying to hit everyone with his tennis rack..er...hockey stick.

7) Have the Detroit Red Wings split in to 2 teams : Detroit Hollywood and Detroit Wolfpac led by Steve Yzerman and Sergei Fedorov

6) Have teams like Nashville and San Jose form an alliance called the "Job Squad"

5) Have Matthew Barnaby do post game interviews with his friend "Mr. Socko"


"Toronto screwed Toronto" claims Mr. Bettman.
4) Have Gary Bettman cheat Toronto out of the Stanley Cup and go on t.v. and claim "Toronto screwed Toronto"

3) Hair vs Hair game between Washington and Pittsburgh : If Pittsburgh wins , Chris Simon in shaved bald at centre ice..If Washington wins , Jaromir Jagr gets shaved...

2) Have Don Koharski cheat to give Phoenix a win..After the game we see "exclusive footage" of coach Jim Schoenfeld giving Koharski a box of donuts..

1) Before every game Eric Lindros beats up Flyers G.M. Bobby Clarke. He then goes to the four corners of the rink and sticks his middle finger to all the fans, who are going crazy.

Glen Glynn is from Mississauga. He can be emailed at taker@idirect.com

Previous guest columns



SLAM! Sports   Search   Help   CANOE