CANOE SLAM! HOCKEY SLAM! FOOTBALL SLAM! BASEBALL SLAM! BASKETBALL SLAM! SKATING SLAM! SKIING SLAM! SPORT-BY-SPORT SLAM! SPORTS SLAM! GLOBAL NAVIGATION
SLAM! WRESTLING: Guest Columnist

SLAM! Sports
SLAM! Wrestling







Monday, February 8, 1999

SLAM! Wrestling Guest Column

A recipe for Light Heavyweight success

By RYAN "SCRIBE" ROGATSCHNIGG -- For SLAM! Wrestling

How to cook a WWF Light Heavyweight delight in easy steps!

WWF Light Heavyweight delight
    Ingredients:
  • 1 part payrolled, underused talent
  • 1 phenom named Taka Michinoku
  • 3 parts heat
  • 2 parts Raw spots
  • 1 vacant LW Championship
  • A whole crapload of apathetic fans
1. Take underused talent already on the payroll of the WWF and separate. You should have Brian Christopher (an excellent heel...I mean, the laugh!), Scott Taylor, Jeff & Matt Hardy, Teioh, Funaki, the other Kaientai guy, Christian, and Gillberg. Gillberg is not overly important to recipe and may be left out. Add in one lightweight phenom named Taka Michinoku. Take all ingredients and prepare a single elimination tournament for the newly vacant Light Heavyweight Title. First, let ingredients react with a few scheduled matches beforehand.

2. As a nostalgia to Sunny introducing WWF Light Heavyweight matches when the division first started, use Debra McBreasts...I mean McLegs!...Sorry, McMicheal in place of her. The 'Debra' agent, as I refer to it, will spark a reaction with the apathetic fans.

3. Let sit for one or two months as ingredients interact with each other. Some may from feuds, some may form alliances. Key factor: Taka Michinoku must be taken OUT of Kaientai. Several possible matches that may result at this point of the dish: Taka vs. Christopher, Hardy Boyz vs. Too Much, Christian kicking major ass over anyone he faces, Teioh vs. Taylor, Funaki vs. Taka, etc. Almost any combination, with the right timing and the important 'Debra' agent, should be succesful.

4. Begin Light Heavyweight tournament on Raw, to be concluded at next possible PPV. 'Debra' agent should not be boiled out just yet, for various reasons. First round brackets:

  • Taka Michinoku vs. Teioh
  • Scott Taylor vs. Jeff Hardy
  • Funaki vs. Brian Christopher
  • Christian vs. Matt Hardy
5. Preferably, Taka Michinoku will defeat Christian in the final, winning his second Light heavyweight title. Now, the key to ensuring a credible final product is to maintain the peaks. Tips on how to achieve this include:

  • A) One Light Heavyweight match on Raw per show. Pepper Shotgun and Heat liberally with Light heavyweight action.

  • B) Minimum of two weeks between Light Heavyweight Title defenses.

  • C) Create meaningful feuds between LW wrestlers, whether through storylines or a series of great matches between excellent workers a la Kidman/Mysterio/Guerrera.

  • D)Ensure each match is packed with high-flying parachutes? We don't need no stinking parachutes! action.

6. As the demand for WWF LWH Delight increases, be sure to add new, fresh ingredients. Best choice in new ingredients: Chris Jericho. Look in Mexico and Japan for charismatic and skilled Light Heavyweights.

WWF Light Heavyweight Delight, if prepared correctly, should thrill fans around the world, and become a highlight of every WWF show.




Ryan "Scribe" Rogatschnigg is from Penticton, BC, and can be emailed at bbuurrnn@hotmail.com.



Previous guest columns



SLAM! Sports   Search   Help   CANOE