Canadian English, like the country itself, suffers from a bit of an identity crisis. (Mark O'Neill/QMI Agency)

Canada’s birthday is the perfect time to reflect on what truly makes this country great —freedom, democracy, diversity…and the way you can identify a compatriot anywhere in the world by the way they say “out and about the house.”

Canadian English, like the country itself, suffers from a bit of an identity crisis. Do we speak the tongue of our British heritage? Or do we employ the vernacular of our closest neighbour, the United States?

In quintessentially Canadian fashion, we’ve come up with an offend-no-one resolution — Canadian English is the bastard child of a queen and a cowboy.

We honour the monarchy by minding our p’s and q’s, and in using the letter “u” in words like “labour” and “flavour.” In Canada, you enter the centre and catch a feature at the theatre.

The last letter of the alphabet retains its Britishness yet appears American in words like “organize” and “realize.” We draw the line, though, at calling the bearded Texas rock band “ZedZed Top,” and for that we will not apologize.

Though we will apologize for any number of other transgressions, real or perceived. You won’t visit many countries where the word “sorry” is interchangeable with “excuse me,” “pardon me,” “can you please repeat that?” “thank you” and even “hello.”

When we’re not apologizing, we’re complaining about the weather. So it’s no surprise that “humidex” was coined by a Canadian. Sadly, we spend much more time talking about the wind-chill.

This Canada Day, however, it will probably be hot enough to crank the A/C and jack up our “hydro” bills. If we have any loonies and toonies left over, we might buy a “two-four,” load them up in the trunk (not boot) of the car and drive 100 or so “clicks” to the cottage.

It is, after all, the off-season. Soon enough it will be time again for “ice hockey,” as our neighbours refer to our (unofficial) national sport. We know it as just plain old “hockey” – ice is the default. Ball hockey, road hockey, field hockey, air hockey are what we do to kill time between hockey games.

Route (pronounced root) is the path to the nearest doughnut shop.

Speaking of doughnuts, they are our national pastry. For best results, we pair one with a “double-double.” To sound like a real Canuck, we say we’re going to “Timmy’s.

The sounds like a perfect way to celebrate Canada Day, eh?