May 24, 2012
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FEATURES - Gauge |
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DE-SACK SANTA
This idea of getting just a few presents each Christmas from saint nick doesn't jive with Fuel. Santa Claus travels the world every year with a fat sack of toys in his sleigh: the newest video games, cell phones, fresh gear -- we're talking the mother-load here. fuel says, why shouldn't one smart kid have it all? thus, we present a few fool-proof plans for jacking the jolly old fat man.
| FATTEN & SNATCH: Santa is a sucker for cookies. At most houses he'll get a couple of biscuits and milk to tide him over. When Santa drops down your chimney, however, there'll be a mountain of thick chocolate fudge cookies. Santa will eat until he can't stay awake and then you'll have your window of opport-unity -- grab his sack and run! Even if he wakes up, he'll have too many cookies in his tummy to move. |
| STRAIGHT SLEIGH-JACKING: You know those toy guns that look so real no one can tell the difference? Well, you'll need a couple of those to pull off this heist. When Slick Nick lands on your roof, jump out from behind the chimney, point your toy gun at him, and, in as threatening a voice as you can muster, yell: "Break yourself, Santa! Get outta the sleigh!" After he cowardly removes himself from his seat, jump in and grab the reigns. From there, fly Santa's sleigh to your buddy's house and divvy up the score. |
| STINGER MISSILE ATTACK: This plan requires a bit more in terms of financial resources (each unit costs about US$ six million), but if you can get your hands on shoulder-launched land-to-air missiles, that sack is as good as yours. Simply aim and fire. We're assuming Santa has a parachute, so as long as you don't target him directly, he'll be fine. Also, try to avoid hitting any innocent reindeer. A simple destabilizing rocket-blast and it'll be raining Christmas presents. |
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