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Jittery Jokes

 The Internet is haunted with Halloween humour. To whet your ghoulish appetite, here are 50 of our favourite groaners.
 
 Q: What is a vampires favortie mode of transportation?
 A: A blood vessel.
 
 Q: What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
 A: I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.
 
 Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
 A: A dead end.
 
 Q: What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
 A: A wash-and-werewolf.
 
 Q: What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
 A: Fasten your sheet belt.
 
 Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
 A: An itchy witchy.
 
 Q: Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
 A: His ghoul friend.
 
 Q: Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
 A: The whatwolves and the whenwolves.
 
 Q: What's a cold, evil candle called? A: The wicked wick of the north.
 
 Q: What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
 A: Hallowieners.
 
 Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
 A: She had to give a screech.
 
 Q: What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
 A: Lemon n' Slime.
 
 Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?
 A: He was on his coffin break.
 
 Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
 A: By scareplane.
 
 Q: Why did the witch's mail rattle?
 A: It was a chain letter.
 
 Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
 A: It was a stake sandwich.
 
 Q: What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
 A: "Make a fright turn at the corner."
 
 Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
 A: Tweets.
 
 Q: What do goblins mail home while on vacation?
 A: Ghostcards.
 
 Q: What is a witch's favourite subject?
 A: Spelling.
 
 Q: What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
 A: A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.
 
 Q: What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
 A: Five after one.
 
 Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?
 A: The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."
 
 Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
 A: He had to give it back.
 
 Q: What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?
 A: A poultry-geist.
 
 Q: Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
 A: Because they like to boo the umpire.
 
 Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
 A: "How do you boo, sir. How do you boo."
 
 Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
 A: Put your boos and shocks on.
 
 Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
 A: A holy terror.
 
 Q: What tops off a ghost's sundae?
 A: Whipped Scream
 
 Q: Why did the baby ghost go to the doctor before halloween?
 A: To get a BOOster shot.
 
 Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
 A: Just before someone screams.
 
 Q: What do little ghosts drink?
 A: Evaporated milk.
 
 Q: How do you make a milkshake?
 A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
 
 Q: What goes "Oob, oob!"
 A: A ghost in reverse.
 
 Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
 A: Because he's always a goblin.
 
 Q: How do mummies hide?
 A: They wear masking tape.
 
 Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
 A: He was all wound up.
 
 Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
 A: When you're a mouse.
 
 Q: Why did the black cat cross the road?
 A: To catch up with the chicken.
 
 Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
 A: Because people are dying to get in.
 
 Q: Why does a witch ride on a broom?
 A: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.
 
 Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
 A: She flies off the handle.
 
 Q: Why do witches think they're funny?
 A: Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.
 
 Q: What does a sorceress wear?
 A: A bewitching outfit.
 
 Q: What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
 A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
 
 Q: Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
 A: She had to give a screech.
 
 Q: What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
 A: You hear the broom boom.
 
 Q: Who has a broom and flies?
 A: A jelly-covered janitor.
 
 Q: What instrument does a skeleton play?
 A: A trombone.