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Gay wedding a Bischoff ruse

By TIM BAINES -- Ottawa Sun

 Billy and Chuck are not gay.

 Not in real life. And not in a wickedly twisted WWE storyline.

 Okay, WWE pulled off the wedding angle on Smackdown! with plenty of twists and turns down the aisle.

 Billy and Chuck followed Rico and Stephanie McMahon down the aisle and were met by an elderly justice of the peace. Three singers crooned It's Raining Men. The Godfather made an appearance with his Ho Train, but couldn't persuade the couple to stop the ceremony. Billy and Chuck both said "I do" in an unconvincing manner.

 The justice of the peace said the segment had gone on too long ... about three minutes too long ... and ripped off his mask.

 It was Eric Bischoff in disguise and his RAW hooligans, The Island Boyz Rosie and Jamal, entered to put a pounding on Billy and Chuck. The Boyz then turned their attention to Stephanie until they were interrupted by a swarm of Smackdown! performers who ran to the rescue. Rico was in cahoots with Bischoff.

 When WWE was cooking up the wedding angle, The Honky Tonk Man was asked to take part and he refused to have a guitar cracked over his head. There was also some talk of bringing back Road Dogg Jesse James, Billy's tag partner in The New Age Outlaws.

  • WWE went over the top with its Hot Lesbian Action (HLA) angle on RAW. Bischoff talked up the event all night, then two women -- Jenny "Loonie" Lane and Savvy from Ultimate Pro Wrestling -- were paraded into the ring, where they stripped down to their undies and did some spit swapping. Bischoff then looked at his watch and said the routine had gone on about three minutes too long. Cue the arrival of The Island Boyz, who pounded on the women, with Lane suffering a real-life rib injury. While TSN's censor quickly cut the segment, the U.S. feed from TNN showed the violence. And the TNN honchos weren't happy, issuing a terse release criticizing the routine. WWE, no doubt, hoped the shock factor would increase its ratings in its first week going head-to-head with the NFL's Monday Night Football. It didn't work. It was the worst rating for a live RAW show since 1998.

  • Of course, WWE colour commentator Jerry Lawler was at his quipping best during the HLA segment: "This might be some of that Sandra Bernhardt-Madonna stuff."

  • Matches confirmed for the Unforgiven pay-per-view are Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker, Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit and Triple H vs. Rob Van Dam, who won a four-way match against The Big Show, Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho to become the No. 1 contender for the RAW title.

  • Chris Nowinski took some shots at the Iowa State crowd on RAW: "At Harvard, we have lots of Rhodes scholars, at Iowa State, you have lots of dirt roads."

  • It should be noted that The Score left in a segment where The Island Boyz delivered a Samoan Drop to Stephanie. TSN cut out The Boyz smacking two female wrestlers. Different strokes for different folks.

  • William Regal has joined The Unamericans -- Test, Christian and Lance Storm. Regal's brass knuckle interference allowed Christian and Storm to defeat Kane and Bradshaw on RAW. Bradshaw (John Layfield) will be out of action 4-6 months after tearing his left bicep.

  • Sean Waltman can't use the name X-Pac since he split from WWE, but will use Syxx-Pac. He's expected to team with old buddy Scott Hall in the NWA-TNA card next week.

  • WWE's diva ring announcer and singer Lilian Garcia has signed a deal with Universal Records.

  • According to the Pro Wrestling Torch, Shawn Michaels topped a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette column that ranked the Top 10 Showstoppas. Michaels finished ahead of names such as Pedro Martinez, The Williams Sisters, Madonna, Alexei Kovalev (NHL), Brian Urlacher (NFL), Annika Sorenstan (tennis), Tracy McGrady (NBA), Judy Jetson (Jetsons cartoon) and Roy Jones Jr. (boxer).

  • Tammy Sytch (formerly Sunny in the WWF) got into a recent tiff with Low Ki at a NWA-TNA show. The petty argument escalated and Sytch's main squeeze Chris Candido also got involved.

  • Matt Hardy is really developing a bad Matt-ittude.

  • Montreal has proven to be a hot market for WWE, so much so that it seems the market would be a natural for a pay-per-view early in 2003.

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