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Tuesday, June 22, 1999

SLAM! Wrestling Guest Column

WWF "Atti-sued": Unsolicited legal advice


The first was tragic, the second one was annoying, the third one is laughable.

I'm sorry, but when I heard about that Kuwaiti talking head suing the WWF over a TWO YEAR OLD assault, a pre-planned assult, I add, I wanted to go there and slap him myself. Then I heard how much he wanted.


So not only is he real slow on the uptake, he does a lousy Dr. Evil impression, and he's got NO sense of scale.

Sable is suing for 110 million. The Harts are suing for an undisclosed amount. This yukkapuk wants a million.

I say, hire him as Tiger Ali Singh's new servant. He's unemployed, he'll take the job for next to nothing.

Okay, enough of him. Let's look at the two suits that matter.

Plain and simple, the Hart suit should never be allowed to reach the courts. The Hart family is the most respected in the industry, and the past between them has been rocky at best. ANY attempt to fight them over the suit will be met with hatred and derision by the fans. It'll make Vince McMahon look just like the character he plays on the shows.

Get in a room with them. Offer them money. Make a public apology. Donate several million to the children's hospital and get a wing named after Owen, with NO MENTION of the WWF anywhere on the plaque or decoration. Offer them a piece of the company, if it comes to that, but do NOT let this reach the courts. It'll be Survivor Series all over again, but worse. Make Martha happy.

As for Sable...

squish her like a frigging bug.

By settling with the Harts, it opens the field up to show Sable for the fraud she is. Blast her with both barrels. Make sure everybody realizes how self-serving her suit and the timing of same is. Show the world she's just out for a payday, thanks for the help but I'm leaving now, oh, and can I keep all the stuff you did for me?

I think her appearance on Nitro was the worst possible thing she could have done to herself. If the wrestling industry is so bad, why is she sitting front row at a wrestling show, and the competition's no less?

I think it's a case of contract tampering so blatant I'd be amazed the WWF didn't go after the WCW over it. Regardless of their shock and surprise on camera, young Mr. Bischoff knew full well she would be there, and had a firm hand in arranging it. If you believe that she bought a front-row ticket less than two weeks before the event...pull the other one, it's got bells on.

Ah, but here's the irony...Who was sitting next to her?

Two security guys, their hands quite full shoving and piefacing fans out of the way.

Who WASN'T there?

Mark Mero.

My prediction on this one? Ms. Mero will barely get out of the courtroom with the clothes on her back and the implants in her chest, she'll show up in WCW less than a week later as "Mink" or "Chinchilla" or some other daft name, they'll finally notice she has all the acting and wrestling ability of a 50-lb bag of puffed wheat, she'll get another swelled head, and end up doing Guess jeans ads again.

Oh, and Mark Mero will come in as HER valet. Ahhhh, de IRONY...
Vinnie Bartilucci was born on Prince Edward Island, kidnapped (okay, adopted) by Americans, and has lived in New York ever since. He can be emailed at He has written for us before:

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