November 21, 1999
Lining up the 'Who-hit-Austin' suspects
I've got news for everyone. I was driving the hummer...er...car that hit Stone Cold Steve Austin. Forget Big Show, Bad Ass, Triple-H, or even Tiger Ali Singh. It was me, or it may well have been. Who else could it be? Well practically anyone. That fact is what makes this angle so interesting.
Austin has spent his tenure in the WWF doing nothing but making enemies. How many actual friends does he have? Well J.R. is one, and Vince McMahon is pretending to be. But I'll cover them later. There's more to this issue than meets the eye.
Many die-hard wrestling fans, or sports entertainment fans as Vince would have us called, know about that whole WCW angle with the hummer and the speculation of whodunit? Did we ever find out? There are many parallels between the stories, but for me, this is much different.
The difference between the two is the volatility of the WWF situation and the randomness of it. The incident happened during one of the WWF's biggest pay per views. This certain PPV has a nasty tradition, dating back two years to Montreal, of screw jobs and surprising outcomes. This event occurred with direct influence on the title fight.
In conjunction with that is the randomness of this incident. While the hummer thing occupied many a night of WCW television, this is one isolated incident as part of a much larger picture. This angle wont get as tedious as the WCW's version. But one thing that rings true throughout is the number of suspects, so let's take a look.
VINCENT K. MCMAHON: I put him at the top of the list only due to his history at Survivor Series. Remember two years ago with Bret Hart and then last year with Mankind. Why stop a good and interesting tradition? However, there could be more to this. Vince has been smart this year and covered his tracks. While he goes out and makes this years screw job look like it goes to Triple-H, he's actually fooling us by covering up the larger picture. He screwed Stone Cold. I could write a whole series of separate articles on the history between these two. They're friends now you say? A complete joke. You think Vince would drop his grudge that quickly? Gimme a break. But this wasn't to do with keeping him away from the title, this was to finish him off for good.
BAD ASS BILLY GUNN: Here is the most likely suspect, but not my personal favorite. BABG was not at the arena when this took place, so that makes him obvious right? Well, that should mean, barring stupidity and lack of reason on the WWF's writing team, that it was not Mr. Ass. So, let us continue.
SHANE MCMAHON: Perhaps Shane is the dark horse in all this, but I don't put him in this by himself. I'm sensing a set-up. Do we remember last year when it looked like Shane O' Mac was trying to take the company from dear old dad? Well, Shane is a year older and a year wiser and he's making his start by getting back into the spotlight. Daddy was to be the guest referee, who ended up doing it? Now, as I said, he mustn't have acted alone. His co-conspirator?
THE BIG SHOW: Ladies and gentlemen, your NEW World Wrestling Federation assassin: The Big Show. Oh baby right. Good ol' Shane made this happen. Fictional, but perhaps all too true comversation between Show and Mc Jr.
Shane: Here's the deal Show. We gotta get my dad outta here, I want the company and the billion dollars. You hospitalize Austin, and I'll get Vince to go with him. Then, Austin's disabled, you go in the match, win it, I'll referee to make sure it happens, and boom we ride a rocket straight to the top of the world.
Show: Hey, here comes Austin in the parking lot. I'll take The Rock's car that I conveniently stole earlier today, and run him down.
Ok, maybe not, but the idea is there. These two could together take down the whole company. Shane's intelligence and Big Show's strength. They could bring down the world, or in Show's case, at least the Titan Tron.
Good Ol' JR: Ok, he wasn't driving the car. So he was working with someone. Vince? I doubt it. Rock? I don't even think The Rock is a suspect. Triple-H? Now we're getting warm. But not Triple-H. It was someone from DX. I don't care who, but consider the last few months. Jim Ross has backed Austin 110%. Austin's this good and Austin did this was all he said. What thanks did he get? None. He got put in a tag match where he got his butt kicked. He's been beaten up because of his comments about Triple-H on Austin's behalf. And JR gets nothing in return. Poor JR. Do you seriously think they would have shown that segment from RAW with The King backstage talking to cops for fun. There's more of this to come.
The list of suspects is as long as Val Venis claims his ... well it's long. However, before we throw in the towels and say this is another lame whodunnit thing like "The Hummer" or Undertaker's "Higher Power" give this one a chance. It's got me captivated, and I don't usually fall for this stuff. I have no clue and neither should you.
My gut feeling is Big Show, with an assist to Shane. In the end however, this will all turn out alright, and we'll see the puppies. (Maybe it was Debra: She may not want to marry Austin after all.) Austin may have hired someone to hit him, so he wouldn't have to fight Triple-H because he was scared, or as a favour to Big Show. You never know until you watch.
Steve Evenden lives in Ameliasburgh, Ontario and can be reached by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.