Friday, January 15, 1999
SLAM! Wrestling Guest Column
The oldest soap opera
Most grappling fans still get the yacker.."Wrestling is so fake!", "Why Do you look at, that?", "Isn't Sable Sexy?"..Oh wait..That's what wrestling fans Say. But you get the picture. People still believe that wrestling sucks because its fake.
I always have fun with these people's minds.
Step one. What's your favorite television show? Most of the time, the anti-mat banging-head exclaims some show like Party of Five, or Fraiser. (For argument's sake, two of my faves, also.)
The next step. I ask them what you look at Party of Five, don't you feel like you are part of the Sallingers life? Feel like it was YOUR parents who died? They always say "Yes", holding back tears, while I rush to find some tissues.
Step Three. The conclusion. I then calmly say, 'That is what wrestling is for us'. In the back of our heads, we know that wrestling is just the oldest (and most successful) soap opera in the world.
However, when the opening of RAW or Nitro, begins ... Our bodies boil up. We get sweaty. Excited ... We suddenly become part of what happens inside that fabled squared circle.
Step four. See how much nachos and beer you can get off them when they invite you over to their crib for the next installment of Man in Tights. The Ever-going saga of good and evil. NWO and WCW ... Bischoff and Flair. And, so on and so on. As sand go through the hourglass...
If people still do bug you about being a wresling fan. Just tell them this: Wrestling is Real.
It is as real as your daydreams, your imagination.
Who can bodyslam you after that?
Shane Alexander is from Richmond Hill, Ontario, and can be emailed at Salexander@yahoo.com