Wednesday, March 24, 1999
SLAM! Wrestling Guest Column
Make the women dangerous again
Well, the point is, Where are the ladies now?
Obviously I remember these women. I remember some of their battles, heck, I even remember how to spell their names correctly. More importantly, I MISS THEM! Do I miss the fighters? Well, yes of course. But more than that, I miss the fights themselves. Over the years all of the major wrestling groups have reduced the women to very little more than whiny trouble makers, dangerous interference and useless diversions. Don't get me wrong. I respect the managers, the valets and what they do. And yes, I mean that. But what happened to the women fighters? It wasn't that long ago that Jimmy Hart had the Femme Fatales, Luna had Bull Nagano, and there was Alundra Blaze (Medusa). Where are they now? I have heard that there is another wrestling organization out there where they still have female fighters, but where is this at, and what ungodly time of the morning is it? As far as I know the WWF is the only organization that has a Women's Championship Title. What's up with that?
Lately ECW and WCW have been introducing more women to the ring but they are primarily in the sidelines. The Nitro Girls were a nice touch and all, but they lend nothing to the sport and they have been reduced to nothing more than intermission. As of this writing, whether any of those women are in the ring I don't know.
But I do know that the WWF has been bringing the women fighters back. That's all fine and dandy but they have made it a point to focus in on catfights and less on action. What is the difference, you ask? Well, a catfight is 'Stay away from my man' or 'I don't like the way you dress' or 'I'm prettier than you'. Feel free to insert any other petty reason you can think of. The problem I have with this is that the 'fighters' are once again reduced to whiny little brats having an argument that really makes no difference to either of them or the fans in the end. Face it, who the hell cares if Pretty Mean Sisters have issues with men? How many women out there don't? What's the point of smashing it in everyone's face? Deal with it already and leave me out of it! When I talk about action, I mean, 'Let's get it on just for the sake of getting it on. Then we can go out somewhere for lunch.' That is honest sportmanship, or sportswomanship.
Where do I stand with Sable, Ivory, Debra and the whole lot of them? I sincerely am happy that they are there. They are helping to bring back a lost art BUT they need to move out of the catfights back to the action. So far I find that they are too busy appealing to the libido than the adrenaline.
They also forget that there are quite a few female fans out there watching as well as male fans.
But more than that, many of the moves they employ are far too stylish. They are specifically designed to look good and not really to be effective. In fact, I personally find that they are somewhat distracting and annoying. I am too busy thinking "How good did that look?" as opposed to 'Wow'. Isn't that what wrestling is about and why we watch it? Isn't that what sports in general is about and why we watch it? Seriously, when was the last time a big soap opera unfolded itself during the Super Bowl? But they still manage to do really well in terms of audience interest. Go figure.
The women I look forward to seeing is Luna Vachon and Jacqueline. Why? For the same reasons why I loved watching Sherri, Wendi and Moolah. Because they have a kill or be killed attitude. They are not afraid to be hurt, and they certainly are not afraid to hurt. Luna doesn't care what it takes, where she has to hit you, with what, or how hard just as long as she gets the win. There are no super stylish moves, and everyone knows to expect nothing less than an all out war from her. A few years ago WWF magazine described her as 'the most eccentric and most dangerous person in wrestling'. The time and effort it took to earn that reputation is the action I'm talking about. And it is that action I miss so much. To Luna and Jacqueline, YOU GO GIRL! I'm glad the both of you have found the spark you needed to really get things started. Now let's see where it takes you, or rather, where you take it. (Hopefully for Luna, her WWF suspension won't last too long.)
How about Chyna? What about her? When push comes to shove, she really has not proved a darn thing. I like her, she's cool and all, but she could do better than cheapshots, lowblows, hiding behind Kane and the Corporation, and letting Shane hide behind her. Let's face it everytime she gets into the ring she pretty much gets her butt kicked from ringpost to ringpost if no one interferes and if they knew she was coming. Being the first woman ever in the Royal Rumble was a good thing, but less than 30 seconds was not. We all know she can do better than that. So I wait. I wait for the time when Chyna stops taking the bones that are tossed to her and really starts taking the whole cow. If you are reading this Chyna, by all means, prove me wrong. Please. I beg you.
Before I get finish my sermon and get off my soap box, let me clarify a few things. First, no I am not a rabid feminazi psychopath. Second, There is absolutely no disrespect to Sable, Debra, Ryan, Tori, Tammy, Elizabeth, Terri, Chyna or any of the other ladies out there now so please don't hunt me down. As I said, I myself would love to be there someday. And I know that it would not be as a fighter. At five feet, 105 pounds, that is simply not feasible. I just think that you gals have far more potential than you are allowing the bigwigs to give you.
It has been said that there is no poison more dangerous than that of an angry woman. So show them how dangerous you can be, angry or not. Women Fighters can be just as rough and tumble, if not more so than the men. This is a fact that, whether or not you want to admit it, you know it. We also know that all of the wrestling groups have more than enough money and resources to promote it better without all of the soap operas. But that is another column altogether.
Anna Valleser is from Brighton, MA, and can be emailed at email@example.com.